I Don't Need a Man

I don't need a man.
I have a supportive family, a God that loves and cares for me and a brain.
I don't need a man to be my protector or my provider.

I will go out and I will do what God calls me to do. I believe that he will provide for my needs, and that God will take care of me. I'm not worried about how I'll survive financially, or if I'll be safe. I'm confident in who I am, in who God made me to be. And even the times when I don't feel confident, I force myself to pretend that I am. I have moments of worry, where I remind myself of who made me, or who cares for me and how he's came through every single time in the past.

I don't understand why a girl not needing a guy, can scare guys away.

I don't need a man to give me money, keep me safe or complete me.
But I want a man (no rush, all in God's time). And I will need him... just not in the stereotypical ways.
I will need him to spend quality time with me, to listen to me,  to expose my heart and mind to, to walk through life and walk closer to God together with, I will need him to hug me when our world falls apart. I will need him to stand next to me as my equal, and to hold my hand. I will need him for love.

Thats all.
And I want to be needed for that too...


"I don't need a man to make it happen
I get off being free
I don't need a man to make me feel good
I get off doing my thing
I don't need a ring around my finger
To make me feel complete...
You know I got my own life
And I bought everything that's in it
So if you want to be with me
It ain't all about the bling you bringing
I want a love that's for real
And without that then no deal..."

Summer in my heart.

I'm so full of joy lately.
It's like it's always summer in my heart.

I was pondering life, human interactions, friendship, love, God etc. today as I wandered from uni to the train station and as I watched life speed by out the window of the train.

I was wondering how you know when someone is "the one" and then I thought, "I dunno if he's the one for me, but I know that you are God." So I'm not saying I'm going to go become a nun. Hell no.

But I am saying that it is really cool, not worrying:  is something going to happen? is nothing going to happen ? did I do something wrong?  Oh he's hanging out with her and not me, what is going on?



When God is my number one 'man' in my life, and he's got control of my life and wants the best for me, and actually knows what is best for me! (unlike me who wants something one day, only to discover later on that it's not so great!) has got it under control. I can open my hands and let go of all the stress.

My worries can drift away in the breeze. It's cool...

I'm just laying out in the sunshine,  cause it's summer in my heart.

hormones, trantrums and life in general...

I'm grumpy, mad, sad, disappointed, annoyed, discouraged, overwhelmed... I could go on. I hope I'm hormonal, because then at least I'd have a pysiological reason for why I feel like I do right now.

My job description just got changed, apparently we're not allowed to: eat, listen to music or watch movies, while on reception- except for on a Saturday night. This makes me MAD. My inner rebel hates being told what to do. I believe in keeping the rules if I can see any logical reason for them. But I can't.  As long as I do complete all of my responsibilities well, what right do they have to tell me what to do in the moments when nothing at all is happening. Sorry but BITE ME.

I still have 2 and a bit assignments looming over me... which is the real problem. I hate how much I suck at maths and using excell... Sometimes I really hate science, this is one of those times. But I need to put on my big girl pants and get in and do it, and stop thinking how much I want to throw a tantrum on the floor.


Life is busy but good... I'm going on a motorbike ride with a friend tomorrow. Should be fun, I'm a bit scared though! Anyway... I'm going to go for a walk, have some more caffeine... then do this darn assignment!

Even though I've just complained about everything. God is Good, and even though I feel all these bad emotions, ultimately I still have joy in my heart, cos I know that Jesus cares about me and that he's got my back.

My Ebenezer

I'm in bed. It's 1.13am. I have to get up in 5hrs 45 min and fly back to college.
I've been lying here thinking. Sometimes you feel like you need to write out your mind. This is one of those times, so out comes the iPhone and here I am. So excuse my spelling mistakes and typos.

I've been thinking about God's will for my life. And how easy it is to say that I want his will to be done no matter what, until his will and my will oppose. I want God's will o become my will. I know he knows best. I've seen it so many times. Thehardest part is the moments where you don't get your way and you can't yet see or understand why God's way, this time, is so much better for you and his purpose for you than you could ever hope or dream.

It's these moments where I have to get out my metaphorical ebenezer and look at the things God has done for me in the past, the times when by him saying no to my desires that he's blessed me. "some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers" and I know that's been true many times looking back on my life I've said, "oh thank God we never got together, I had such a crush on him... What the heck was I thinking?"

I know God has been there for me in the past. And I know he'll be there in my future.I pray that I will only desire his will and that I'll be satisfied and trust him no matte what happens.

I pray for
Paitience and for
Peace.

"take my heart, lord will you take my heart. Until you move me I'll be still... You hold my world in your hands"