I would say no if...

I wrote this a few years ago now...
I'm in the process of deleting my Myspace account... so walked down memory lane a bit, reading my old blogs and stuff... man I have written a lot of rubbish in the past (and probably still am writing a lot of rubbish! haha) but this part I found to be entertainging and relevant still... so thought I'd share it on here.

My friends and I were discussing this just a few weeks ago, how we all think that we would say no if asked with the 'wrong' colour gold ring.

I Would Say No If... (4 Feb 2009)

So most of you know, I don't necessarily know what I want in life, but i sure know exactly what i don't want.

With so many of my friends getting engaged/married lately, it has been a hard topic to avoid thinking of, so at many moments i've thought, "if someone proposed to me  like that i'd say no." Now is a safe time for me to write this since i'm completely single, so no one can think that i'm hinting at anything!

Here's the ones I can remember, the list will grow as I remember/think of new ones.

If i loved the guy (which I sure hope I would, if I'd stayed with him long enough to get to the proposal point!) I'd like to think I would overlook it if he didn't propose in a way that I'd like. But I also like to think, if they guy truely knew me, he would know the kind of things I like/don't like. I know one of my ex's sure knows my hate for the cliche but how I still like a bit of romance, and if he can, whoever my futrure-one-day husband will be should learn too.

I would say no, if...
1) they proposed to me in a hot air balloon.
2) they proposed to me in a ferris wheel
3) if they bought me a white gold ring.
4) if they proposed to me before at least one of us had finished studying
5) if they proposed to me before going overseas or far away from me for a long peroid of time
6) if we'd been together less than 6 months (definite no, less than a year is a probably no).
7) if i was proposed to at christmas
8) If I was proposed to at some sporting even or in front of many many people. (maybe i wouldnt say no right then, for fear of humiliating the guy infront of everyone, but i wouldn't be happy about being put in that situation]
9) If he couldn't afford to buy me a ring. Save up dude. Seriously. it doesnt have to cost thousands and thousands of dollars, but i think its a bit cheap if its bought on ebay for a couple hundred. I think close to $1000 is reasonable, I mean it's meant to be the one piece of jewelry that you will wear forever. If you can't afford a ring, you can't afford to get married. (the only exception to this, would be if the world turns to a huge huge mess, and no one can afford anything especially not gold...)
[2011 Ranece- I'm not entirely sure if I agree with my past self. Obviously I like the idea of a pretty ring one day, but I'm also challenged by this concept http://bestronglovemuch.blogspot.com/2010/10/with-this-ring.html]
10. If it was on valentines day.

My Love, My Life

I'm extrememly tallented at weirding people out.  For a while... a long while. I kept me hidden, shrouded in my shyness.

But over time I realised, I like people for their weirdness... and if people don't like me for my weirdness then that is their loss.

The fact that I plan ahead, and over think everything can weird people out, that when I feel like giving a gift I do, my blunt honesty also weirds people out. I like to be upfront and I like to plan. The part that no one sees though is that although I plan, I don't like to be locked in. So although I may have long range 'plans' there is also always multiple escape routes planned if I don't want that to happen.

But I do need to relax a lot more, and try not to always plan everything, because having everything planned means I often rely on my own intellect and logic for my decision making- rather than remembering to ask God.

I want God's will to be done in my life most importantly. I really like this song at the moment. I've been thinking lately about all the things I need to surrender to God. My dreams for the future, My career, My money, My time, My friendships, My relationships. Thats probably my biggest one. I know that in the past I've liked guys that I thought were perfect, only to discover a while later that he was really really not right for me, and that it was a good thing that it never worked out.  But then I'll like someone new and want it to 'work out so bad'. I know God knows best for me, and I trust in him. So I want to stop caring about all that, and trust his plan for my life. I have moments of faith where this is easier and moments where it is not.

I love this song.



"My heart, my mind, my soul, belong to you.
My love, my life, it all belongs to you.
Belongs to you.
Belongs to you.

My heart, my mind, my soul, belong to you.
My love, my life, it all belongs to you.
Belongs to you.
Belongs to you.

The songs we sing,they all belong to you.
The air I breathe, it all belongs to you.
Belongs to you.
Belongs to you.

Yes, I surrender it all.
Yes, I turn it all over.
Yes, It all belongs to you.

Yes, I surrender it all.
Yes, I turn it all over.
Yes, It all belongs to you.

It all belongs to you.
It all belongs to you.

My heart, my mind, my soul, belongs to you
My love, my life, it all belongs to you.

It all belongs to you..."

Stressed

I feel so overwhelmed right now. I feel like I'm drowning under a never ending supply of lab reports. It would be okay If I was getting good grades for all the time I'm putting into them, but not even that is happening. (Granted I've only got one back so far... but I only got 5.7/10 for it! Terrible).

I really should be doing 2 days a week at my placement, so far I've just been doing one and can't even keep up with all my work. I need to be able to exercise and have a spiritual life and some level of a social life as well.

I'm stressing out. I know God will somehow get me through it.

Hard to Get

I suck at playing games.
I'm no good at playing hard to get.

I'm not easy to get,  most people don't have a chance, getting ruled out in an instant.
I know what I want and when I happen to see someone that fits that. It's a rare moment.
I think I know what I need.
but on top of all that, above it all,.
I know that I want  to do Gods will.
I want someone who loves God.

So I know that even though I am the worst at playing hard to get.
Whoever I end up with I wont have to play games or pretend to be someone I'm not to get.
I'll just be me.
I know that God has got whoever, wherever, whenever for me.
And I'm okay with that.

:)

:)


When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I’ve almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me