heartsong

In late 2006. I wrote a prayer in my journal... it's sort of a poem prayer... I don't know. It's the prayer of my heart. Of my life. I often don't think of it, go on with life, and then I get to a point where my heart cries out to God so much louder than it has in a long time, again, and this is what it says,

"Dear God,
To you, I leave my worry, and with that I leave my stress.
To you, I give my heart, and with that my love and confusion.
To you, I give my future, my problems and my plans.
Take me Lord, and lead me. Uphold me Lord,
Protect me.Comfort me. Guide me.
Lead me, with Your righteous right hand.
I give you everything.
Give me faith, help me stand."

It's a little bit similar to Psalms 25.

I'll say it Loud

I got myself into quite a bit of trouble once.I borrowed one of my new guy friends jumpers, he wore this amazing cologne. I ended up smelling like it after i'd given his jumper back, and happened to be silly enough to say so on facebook. He took it as a sign that I was into him, it didn't end so well.

I was in love with the smell, rather than the guy (seriously guys, I'm not telling your what cologne he wore because Oh my goodness, it is amazing! Pretty much any guy wearing it- is like a flower to me- I am the bee!)

The point of my rambling is this. Tonight I was somewhere, and a well muscled male was playing a piano. And I was thinking about things like that, things that make a guy seem more attractive than normal so here they are:

1. When he smells good (doesn't have to be always, but for special occasions get out the cologne please) If you want to know my secret "catnip" cologne, then let me know. There is a male at college who is well known by the ladies as the guy who smells good. We like it.
2. Guys that are smart, but not ones who think they know everything and that they are act like you are stupid compared to them. It's even better when they are funny and intelligent.
3. Guys that are adventurous outdoors, but not stupid risk takers. Smart skilled ruggard tough. Yes please. Protect me in the bush. I don't need a guy to protect me in every day life, but I want one who I'll feel safe with doing the extreme stuff I always want to do, but are often a little to scared to do.
4. Manly man doing, stereotypically less manly stuff. I think that the only thing more hot than a man in an apron, is a muscly man holding a baby (obviously, I'd prefer the baby be a niece/nephew/borrowed)
5. Guys that make the effort to dress a bit more manly and a bit less little boy, for slightly special occasions, such as going out to tea, church, etc.
6. Guys who are gentlemen. Who ever said that ladies don't like chivalry anymore, probably hasn't got any in a long time. They were very wrong, most ladies love it. A guy who holds doors, lets you walk in front of him, and sometimes offers to pay. It goes a long way.
7. Guys who are kind hearted and generous. Mmm...
8. Guys who can play an instrument, can I get an amen?
9. Guys who are man enough to make the first move and pursue! I know a lot of girls agree with me here.
10. Guys who love God.The most important trait for me.

So that's my list of things right now, that I find incredibly attractive. Don't worry, I'm not expecting a "perfect man" who can do literally everything on my list of attractive things, but the more the better ;-)

Aorta for a Quarter

This is so clever. I love the point, the bible links and how she gets all nerdy at the end!

“So it seemed, that it was cool, so cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me. So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief. So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart? I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting ‘cause it was me who let him in. Claiming we were “just friends.”

It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t, I was gonna make him “The One.” You know, I was tired of being alone. And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride. ‘Cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride. A virgin in the physical, but mentally, just a grown woman on the corner in heat. Who was tired of the wait. So I was gonna make him “The One.”

He had a form of Godliness, but not much. But but hey, hey, I can change him! So, I’ll take him. I mean, he’s close, enough. Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of it’s use to me. Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked his will from flowing through me. So I thank Christ that his blood pressure gave this heart an attack that flat-lined my obscured vision put me flat on my back. Through my ignorance he saw, I said through my sternum he sawed and cracked open my chest to transplant psalms 51:10. A new heart and a renewed right spirit within. So now I fully understand. Better yet, I thoroughly comprehend, how much I need to wait for you.

See the bad thing is  that I knew he wasn't you from the beginning because in the beginning was the word and he didnt even sound or shine like your Son. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, and all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings – which meant “nothing.”

He couldn't even pray when I needed him to. Asking him to fast would be absurd so forget about being clensed and washed with water from the word. But I know you, you were already praying for me. even having never met me, let me assure you I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialise or communicate with carbon copies of you. To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention. And short-lived compliments from “sorta kindas.” You know, he sorta kinda’ right, but “sorta kinda” wrong? His first name Luke. His last name Warm.

I, I won’t settle for false companionship. I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms, attempting to find some closeness. But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held. ‘Cause “all I gotta do is say, ” No! No more “almost sessions” of “almost coming close.”

Passing winks and buying drinks and i'mma i'mma flirt. Who flirts with the ideology of can you just tell me how much i can get away with and still be saved. No more. I'll stay in my bed, alone and write poems about how I will wait for you. 


He wont even come close. Our fingers wont even interlock. We wont even exchange breath because I have thoughts that I've saved as in a file that God equips only you to open. I will no longer get weighed down from so called "friends" and family talks about concern for my biological clock, when I serve The Author of Time. 

Who is NOT subject to time, But I’M subject to Him, He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…So if we could role play, You would be Abraham & I would be Sara Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, Made up of your rib Adam!

And once we meet, like electrons, I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom. We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him. 

We were all created in His image, But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son. If I were to explain what you looked like, You would have to look like a star, A son of the Son.. I would gain energy simply from the light on me. I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis. I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you ♥

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But Your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if you should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest story ever known
You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…
More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I WILL WAIT."

Sexpert

Thought I might share my thoughts on the topic of the panel discussion tonight. This is what I wrote before the discussion. I hope this can explain properly what I was trying to say...



We've been asked to be on a panel discussing sex.

I feel a little under-qualified... Those who can't do... Teach???

But then I was thinking, who is qualified? They want someone who will at the end of the day will say that abstinence is the best option, they either need someone who's never held a guys hand, is completely pure and innocent, or  someone who's been the whole way, and regrets it... or me. Someone who's been blessed enough, to never have actually gone there. But had the tempting option right in-front of me a couple of times.And is soooooo grateful in hindsight that it didn't happen.

I've been trying to think about what I'm comfortable saying to everyone, and what is right to say to everyone. I refuse to be hypocritical, and I refuse to preach abstinence without saying at the end of the day, what you need to know is this:

If you can refrain from sex, that is awesome. Your best bet. Keep yourself safe. Protect your body. Protect your mind, and protect your heart and this is what God asks of us, because he wants to keep us safe.

But if you're going to have sex, you MUST protect the one thing you can, your body. Be smart. Use contraception (condoms, the pill- and the morning after pill- available over the counter at pharmacies... it's not cheap, but neither should sex be). There is no excuse for unplanned pregnancies these days, and no one wants an STI (sexually transmitted infection)! Remember, in God's eyes sin is sin. Stealing a lolly is sin, having sex before marriage is sin. But the thing is, there is nothing too big for God to forgive! There is nothing that God doesn't want to forgive. God wants you- it doesn't matter where you've been or what you've done in your past. He just put these rules there too keep us safe, and when we ignore them and get hurt, he so badly wants to pick us up off the ground, brush the dirt off our knees and give us a huge hug and heal all our pain.

I have many friends who have been in relationships and ended up with a pregnancy. I dont want people to think i'm targeting them or judging them. Education is something I'm passionate about. I always want everyone to know what their options are.

Here's some quotes I found followed by some safe sex slogans.

for birth control, I rely on my personality. ~Milt Abel

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception.  I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said "No."  ~Woody Allen

We want far better reasons for having children than not knowing how to prevent them.  ~Dora Winifred Black Russell

It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the cigarette were placed on prescription.  ~Malcolm Potts, MD

The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.  ~Margaret Smith

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.  ~Arthur Hoppe

He no play-da-game.  He no make-a-da rules!  ~Earl Butz, referring to the Pope's stricture against contraception

A birth control pill for men, that's fair.  It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.  ~Author Unknown

     

And my personal favourite, safe sex slogans!

Don’t be silly, protect your willy

You can't go wrong if you shield your dong

If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey

If you go into heat, package your meat

Especially in December, gift wrap your member

No Glove, No Love.

Don't be a fool, Cover your tool

If you don't got a rubber, there'll be no hubba hubba!

 " There is no condom strong enough to protect your heart"

Acts 13:38-39 – “Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses.” 

1 Timothy 4: 12 " Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity"

Life atm.

Everything I write is about love at the moment.
Which is really funny as there is not a guy in my life ATM.

I think its awesome actually. Not that there is no guy. But that i'm full of joy and love and it's not dependant on having a guy.

I think this is the way it's meant to be.

It's funny the things that happen in life. It's awesome when you can see how things that sucked at the time, would have sucked so much worse if they hadn't have happened then, now that you find out the rest of the story.

God is pretty cool like that.

I'm just full of joy.

I have a 6hr per week job (just what i need, while studying a full load) which is fun, I get to sit at reception and talk to people (and do homework/facebook etc. in between phone calls and questions). I'm loving it.

Every day is a new adventure. I'm off studying at a different uni one day a week. I'm "working" (prac= for free) in product development and innovation for a company 2 days a week (haven't started yet, it's a little scary!) But so many new experiences.

I'm excited.

I guess I would phrase it as i'm "Irrevocably joyful" right now.

I love this sign. It looks beautiful and is a beautiful reminder.

The bible passage underneath says, "You are my witness... that I am God" Isaiah 43:12