Burnt

Ever been burnt? I have many times. I used to be a tom-boy. I still am, on the inside, It's just covered by a more by a feminine exterior these days.  I've managed to burn myself many times in my life. A blister here, a blister there. I don't recommend packing up your camp stove just after you used it. I've got a scar on my hand from another camp stove encounter. I've always had awesome cooking skills.

Superficial burns hurt for a while, but in time they heal. Worst case scenario you get left with a scar.

"Since the body cannot re-create healthy skin or tissue, it puts together new fibres that are not as functional as the original tissue, but that serve as a protective, useful barrier. When this barrier is completely healed, it is known as a scar."1

Scars occur where an: 

"injury, cut, surgery or disease has taken place, and then healed. Thicker than the surrounding tissue, scar tissue is paler and denser because it has a limited blood supply; although it takes the place of damaged or destroyed tissue, it is limited in function, including movement, circulation, and sensation."1

Scars have some benefits, they fill the hole, they protect you from further damage, but scars also have negatives, they may leave us feeling less beautiful, less valuable, or not being able to feel at all where once we could.

For those that don't know, I am a pastors kid.  I was burnt by the church. Actually let me rephrase, I was burnt by some of the members of a church. The "church" voted and "fired" my dad. Without taking into consideration the feelings of my dad or how it would affect the rest of my family. Us kids were half way through the school year. Mum was happy at her job.

He came home from the board meeting and told us that we were moving and that the church didn't want him to be their pastor any more. I was 14, My sister 12 and my brother 9. I had never seen my dad cry before and I haven't since. It broke my heart.

The church gave us farewell gifts and smiled nicely, tried to give us good-bye hugs and air kisses. All I wanted to do was give them the finger. The façade had been shattered for me. I've always hated fake. And now that was how I saw the church. I never wanted to see them again. I didn't want to go back.

Question: What do you do when you get burnt?

Everyone should know the answer to this. If you don't, you need to invest in a first aid book or take a course ASAP.

Answer: You wash it under cold water for as long as you possibly can.

Mum and Dad were absolutely amazing through it all. Even though they felt just like we did. They helped us through it, reminded us that people are imperfect and we are not Christians because of what Christians do, but because of what Jesus did for us. They told us never to let anyone ever take our salvation from us, and to trust that God had a plan and could turn our sorrows into joy. They asked us to forgive the people and to remain close to God. And not to allow ourselves to become bitter or hate them, as that would only hurt us and our relationship with God. It was hard, but Mum and Dad's example helped us through.

We were relocated to a city a few hours away and started a new school and a new church. Where we were loved, the people were real. You could feel God's love through the church. There we experienced healing. They respected Dad, and treasured mum. We made great friends at our new school and grew into better and stronger people.

God brought good from the bad.

Today I discovered a song. I saw one line of the lyrics on facebook and looked up the song. I loved it immediately. But I didn't know why. I could kind of understand the words, but didn't really get what the song was about... But I've listened to it literally all day. Alternating between the acoustic and normal version.

Have a Listen:




Tonight as I was going for a walk at sunset, I looked up the lyrics and was in awe. I started crying.

"Daddy was a preacher
She was his wife
Just tryin' to make the world a little better
You know, shine a light 

People started talking
Just to hear their own voice
Those people tried to accuse my father
Said he made the wrong choice

Though it might be painful
You know that time will always tell
Those people have long since gone
My father never failed

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me
I won't never ever let you down
I won't fall
I won't fall
I won't fall as long as you're around me
 
Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water"

Yes, It was painful and yes, I am left with some minor scars. But I can look at them, and not focus on the pain, but on the God who brought us through. Good was brought from the bad. My family was brought closer to each other and remains closer than most. And we were brought closer to God. Even though the tears fell, and life felt like a storm. God was there for me and I know that he will be in my future storms too.

I am washed by the water.

1) http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-scar-tissue.htm

Green.

I've always liked the colour.
I try to save water.
I reject plastic bags when I only have a few things to carry.

I like to be a bit green, but I've never really sacrificed any comforts for the sake of being green. This week at college we've had festival of faith, involving an hour long church service at 10 am and another at 6pm all week. It's been very inspirational. A lot of it has been on how important it is for us to look after the environment and the people in this world. Social justice. It's challenged me a lot. I'm wanting to persue my inner hippy a little bit now. Don't worry, no matter how far I go... I'm still going to wear deodourant.

I would love to write more but its 12.11am. and my brain is not working at it's best so i'm going to call it a night. I'm sure I shall write more on the whole becoming a hippy, saving the world thing. I feel it is my responsibility to do all I can to protect Gods creation: animals, people, land and water.

One day when I have kids, I want to get them one of these!

My Wish

Today my ex-boyfriend gets married.
It's such a weird feeling.
I thought I'd never get over him.
I believed for a good year after we broke up that one day we would be brought back together (as we broke up because he lives in America and I live in Australia). I believed that Love could overcome everything, even distance!

Like in the song "BBQ Stain" by Tim McGraw-

"It was five years later on a south bound plane I was,
headin' down to New Orleans,
to meet some friends of mine for the Mardi Gras,
when I heard a voice from the past,
comin' from a few rows back,
and when I looked, I couldn't believe just what I saw,
she said I bet you don't remember me,
and I said, only every other memory...
A heart don't forget something like that"

I believed that God brought us together for a reason, and that he would bring us back together as well, just like in this song. The reunion of us, in our love story was thought about many late nights while trying to get some sleep. God knows far more than I do though.







I always wondered, even when hope started to fade, if one day we'd get back together. I was obsessed with Sweet Home Alabama because she ended up back with her first love. So I used to dream that we would be like that. He was my first love and he'd come back to me. The perfect love story. Once enough time passed, and enough healing occured I realised that it was the perfect love story, it just wasn't mine. I wasn't the main character, I was the one who got left at the altar.

Then I found out that he was engaged and was absolutely and completely devistated. The new country song I associated my life with was, "I don't have to wonder anymore" by Garth Brooks. Only I wasn't at all suicidal as this song suggests. I was just sad. But in some ways it was a relief not to wonder anymore, and it really helped me to finally move on!








And today he really gets married. It feels so weird. Nostalgia makes me want to cry, to read my old diaries and his love letters one last time. But I wont. Goodbye forever my first love. Thanks for all you've taught me, for the happy memories, the love you gave me and the love you taught me for country music! Although it feels strange and a bit sad, I am actually happy for him. And wish him all the best, and pray for God's blessing and leading on his life and their marriage.

And my final song is what I wish for him. "My Wish" - Rascal Flatts






  " I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish"

Lovers & Friends?

So I've been thinking on this topic for a little while... by that I mean every now and then for probably a year.

When the thought originated, I realised that I have never once in my life started liking a guy friend. I always liked them from the beginning or they just stayed friends. Which was nice. Drama free. Sadly since then my perfect track record has become less than perfect.

If feelings change, It brings up quite an awkward predicament. To risk the friendship for the possibility of something ' more' or to sacrifice the chance of ' more' to 'guarantee' the friendship?

There's this country song that I've liked since my now-ex bf got me hooked on country music. It's called "What if I Said" and it talks about his issue.

"What if I told you,
What if I said,
That I love you?
How would you feel,
What would you think,
What would we do?
Do we dare to cross that line,
Between your heart and mine?
Or would I lose a friend?
Or find a love that would never end?
What if I said?"

It's really lame. 'Cause the like part can go away fairly easily, but the awkward, ' Does he think I’m trying to hit on him just because I’m being friendly part' doesn't ever completely disappear.

I hate having lost that friend, but I can't make any attempt to hang out and be friends, without scarring him further away!

I was telling my best guy friend the abridged version of this story and he replied, "Let's never date unless u wanna definitely be my wife". I personally think this is really funny and I'm actually really touched by it. I love that kid, but probably not in the marriage type of way. It's not a friendship that I am willing to risk at this stage in my life!

Maybe that's the solution to all this shiz.

Arranged marriages.

Just kidding.