Sometimes it just feels like life is falling apart. I think part of this right now is hormones. But another part is just life.
Decisions made.
Were they right or wrong?
In the past few weeks I've :
-accepted a job
-said no to dating a really cool guy, because I felt like it was the right decision for me spiritually
-offended a friend somehow, not sure how, but don't like the feeling...
-possibly scared someone I like a little, by being too intense.
I stuff up. I try to make the wisest decisions I can. I stuff up. I try to go where I believe God is directing. I stuff up. I try to live life the way he wants. I stuff up.
Thank God that I am saved by grace not by works! I thank God that he has a plan for my life. Because on my own, I'd just screw it all up.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Rubbish
I feel like rubbish.
I know a lot of it is hormones rather than reality.
Have that beautiful dull ache that comes as a joy of woman hood.
Have zits popping up to party on my face.
I ate a lot of unhealthy food today.
and spent most the day in bed watching movies rather than exercising.
I started the day, by pre-breaking up with a dude. We were never together... I'm just too loyal and hate even ending a friendship. I think I did the right thing, I just pray that he's okay, and that all this doesn't drive him further from God.
So that's adding to my feeling bummed... It's always nice to know that someone cares about you and would make an effort to spend time with you. Now that someone wont any more... Another person who always fills my life with a little extra joy I barely saw today, not sure if I even spoke a word to him... possibly, but it was meaningless ones.
I love Quality time... and get it so rarely.... God has a plan. And I need to go to sleep before I start pouring my heart onto the internet in my tiredly typed mess of words. I kinda like how it flows though, unfiltered.
I believe if you feel like you have to hide something, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
And right now, I'm back to having nothing to hide.
and I like it.
I know a lot of it is hormones rather than reality.
Have that beautiful dull ache that comes as a joy of woman hood.
Have zits popping up to party on my face.
I ate a lot of unhealthy food today.
and spent most the day in bed watching movies rather than exercising.
I started the day, by pre-breaking up with a dude. We were never together... I'm just too loyal and hate even ending a friendship. I think I did the right thing, I just pray that he's okay, and that all this doesn't drive him further from God.
So that's adding to my feeling bummed... It's always nice to know that someone cares about you and would make an effort to spend time with you. Now that someone wont any more... Another person who always fills my life with a little extra joy I barely saw today, not sure if I even spoke a word to him... possibly, but it was meaningless ones.
I love Quality time... and get it so rarely.... God has a plan. And I need to go to sleep before I start pouring my heart onto the internet in my tiredly typed mess of words. I kinda like how it flows though, unfiltered.
I believe if you feel like you have to hide something, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
And right now, I'm back to having nothing to hide.
and I like it.
Stop this train
I made some stupid decisions recently...
I did learn from them.
Now I'm at the point where I have to stop the train, before it picks up even more carriages and becomes even harder to stop. It's hard to stop it even now since it's heading down hill.
But I know what I want and what I have to do. It just sucks that's all.
I hate hurting people, or going back on my word.
I'm loyal... to a fault.
But I need to be smart about this, as well as follow where I believe God wants me to go.
I need to trust that God does have someone who loves him, out there for me.
That I don't need to just grab whatever I can get because it's available.
It's hard, because it's so nice to feel wanted and desirable... It's been a long time.
But that is NOT enough.
I need and want someone who loves God most of all, and that this effects every aspect of his life. I need someone who makes me laugh and challenges me and makes me grow. Someone who just spending time with fills my heart with a little extra joy...
I know what I have to do... now to force myself to do it.
I did learn from them.
Now I'm at the point where I have to stop the train, before it picks up even more carriages and becomes even harder to stop. It's hard to stop it even now since it's heading down hill.
But I know what I want and what I have to do. It just sucks that's all.
I hate hurting people, or going back on my word.
I'm loyal... to a fault.
But I need to be smart about this, as well as follow where I believe God wants me to go.
I need to trust that God does have someone who loves him, out there for me.
That I don't need to just grab whatever I can get because it's available.
It's hard, because it's so nice to feel wanted and desirable... It's been a long time.
But that is NOT enough.
I need and want someone who loves God most of all, and that this effects every aspect of his life. I need someone who makes me laugh and challenges me and makes me grow. Someone who just spending time with fills my heart with a little extra joy...
I know what I have to do... now to force myself to do it.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Beautiful.
"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart."
-Donald Miller
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