crazycrazy

so the ex finally admitted to me, the reason he doesn't want to catch up as friends, is as he's not fully over me yet, and is scared we'd end up back together just cause we're lonely.

I being me, wrote a whole bunch of stuff back to him... after praying about it. My advice from his friend, and my great friend (old almost bf) was pretend like you don't want him, guys want what they can't have. I didn't take his advice, I can't play hard to get, I'm not a game player, and if for that I lose someone, then it wasn't meant to be.

I'm praying that he will reply at some stage, in the meantime I'm not going to say anything more to him... I've said done everything I could possibly ever do. I will keep on praying for him, and keep on praying for God's will in both of our lives, whether that is for us to be together or not.

Crazy. Life is crazy. God is good.

ps. he totally drove past me on my run tonight, then parked down a side street, a bit later, i ran past his car... pretending not to notice it... twice :S

today:

I had one of those days... last night we had all the teachers we enjoy hanging out with over for dinner... half at the restaurant across the road, followed by dessert at our house.

I went to bed feeling so tired i felt sick, i woke up, still feeling sick in my stomach. Downed some inner health plus with coca cola (maybe that was a big part of my problem?... I don't normally drink coke, but i'm trying to ween myself off sugar, so letting myself temporarily drink diet drinks...)

Anyway, just felt rubbish all day... a kid must of glanced in the window as I was typing up a work sheet in my free period, he walked on into my room and said, Miss you look sad, eat chocolate and offered me some! Once he left I got teary, I didn't feel sad before that.

I feel as low as I do when I have PMS... But that shouldn't be for another couple weeks, so it's random.
The ex- has decided he will see me, after randomly fb chatting to me. Strange one. I don't even care right now.

Loved him so much, still love his family, not sure right now If i love him, or if i even want to be friends with him... but hey I'll see him and see where things go or don't go...

Life goes on, and all that jazz.

Prayers And off to bed I go.

ps. I'm thankful for health, my family, my amazing best friends who I can tell about anything. I'm thankful for a past ex-boyfriend who strangely enough I have a much closer relationship with now... I would trust that dude with my life. Literally. Theres not many people I can say that about. I would have never thought I'd end up appreciating his friendship so much. I thought I wanted him out of my life forever when he dumped me... God has a plan for everything and can take my mess and use it to bless.