It's such a weird feeling.
I thought I'd never get over him.
I believed for a good year after we broke up that one day we would be brought back together (as we broke up because he lives in America and I live in Australia). I believed that Love could overcome everything, even distance!
Like in the song "BBQ Stain" by Tim McGraw-
"It was five years later on a south bound plane I was,
headin' down to New Orleans,
to meet some friends of mine for the Mardi Gras,
when I heard a voice from the past,
comin' from a few rows back,
and when I looked, I couldn't believe just what I saw,
she said I bet you don't remember me,
and I said, only every other memory...
A heart don't forget something like that"
I believed that God brought us together for a reason, and that he would bring us back together as well, just like in this song. The reunion of us, in our love story was thought about many late nights while trying to get some sleep. God knows far more than I do though.
I always wondered, even when hope started to fade, if one day we'd get back together. I was obsessed with Sweet Home Alabama because she ended up back with her first love. So I used to dream that we would be like that. He was my first love and he'd come back to me. The perfect love story. Once enough time passed, and enough healing occured I realised that it was the perfect love story, it just wasn't mine. I wasn't the main character, I was the one who got left at the altar.
Then I found out that he was engaged and was absolutely and completely devistated. The new country song I associated my life with was, "I don't have to wonder anymore" by Garth Brooks. Only I wasn't at all suicidal as this song suggests. I was just sad. But in some ways it was a relief not to wonder anymore, and it really helped me to finally move on!
And today he really gets married. It feels so weird. Nostalgia makes me want to cry, to read my old diaries and his love letters one last time. But I wont. Goodbye forever my first love. Thanks for all you've taught me, for the happy memories, the love you gave me and the love you taught me for country music! Although it feels strange and a bit sad, I am actually happy for him. And wish him all the best, and pray for God's blessing and leading on his life and their marriage.
And my final song is what I wish for him. "My Wish" - Rascal Flatts
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish"
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