Sooooooo I have two of the most gorgeous guys I have ever met KIND OF in my life. It's so confusing.
Both have handsome faces.
1.Short dark and stubbly.
2.Tall, dark and chiseled.
1. Complete gentleman, once of those guys you know will never let you pay for a thing. Who'd drive me back to the dorms from the science rooms so I wouldn't have to walk 200m in the rain. Respectful. Kind and gentle. Though the mostly manly guy I know. This one though, has different values and morals to me. Drinks like no one I've ever seen before. Would rather club than go with me to church. Camping this weekend, some guys were saying "Jesus" about something, and he goes, "Stop taking the Lord's name in vein. It's disrespectful" which I was really impressed by. He also didn't have a moment without a beer in his hand while we were camping, until we were driving back across the beach- without other guys in the car- then he finally was okay with putting it down. Later he felt like he was getting a cold and didn't want a worse headache so he stopped drinking for the night (i was glad). I don't drink at all... it kind of made me feel sad.We both say we don't want a relationship. Me because I don't want to marry someone who doesn't put God first in their life, so there's no point starting a relationship with someone like that.
2. Guy number 2. He has a Christ like heart and I love that about him. All the girls love him 'cause he's gorgeous, talented, and has one of those personalities . I've pondered this a lot. If he was average/ugly would I like him anyway? I can't really answer this for myself... it's something that I can't work out. But I'd say more so than number one if he was average/ugly. He stuffs up, God convicts him of it and he humbles himself and apologises. I respect him a lot for that. He's distracted and I rarely have his attention, as many people fight for it. I'm not willing to fight, but i'm not willing to make no effort. With him it's about the little things he does. The washing of the dishes. The dropping me at girls dorm rather than parking at boys dorm. Guy number two shows no interest further than friendship though, which I respect him for. But am also frustrated by! It could be that there is no interest at all there for him. Or it could be that he is far too honourable to express any interest when he plans on not dating till God says so.
So my options are:
one-to have someone I want, but do not need.
two-to choose to have no one, and hope and pray and trust that if number 2 is not in Gods plans for me that he'll have someone else who loves him as much for me.
three- be "friends" with both and make no decision (what I'm currently doing) until things become more clear.
I don't know what to do, but then I also know what I probably shouldn't do, and obviously I know the trust God option is the best one.
Sometimes knowing what you should or shoudn't do is the easy part.
Following through is the hard part.
But then I'm like, what if number one was put in my life for a reason too?
My mind changes constantly. I don't know what God wants for me to do. I don't know what is right.
I can't follow my heart, because it isn't very reliable.
I can't follow logic, because the plus and minus seem to cancel each other out.
Sometimes I wish for my man drought back... but this is more fun... even if more frustrating!
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