Too Much

I've always cared too much.

It's a difficult balance.

I care too much what people think of me,
I care too much about what I say, will I say the wrong thing, will they think I'm stupid?
If I do that, will people think that I think that...
Will they be offended?
Will they think I think I think I'm better than them.
Caring what others think of me, is probably the main reason why I'm shy/quiet until I trust someone.

But for now, I'm going to try not to care.
Life is so much more fun when I do the crazy things I want to, getting weird looks from passers by sometimes, such as today when I walked down college drive carrying a turtle... or when I do the things I think are awesome, even if I know that even my friends wont understand, Like laying in a paddock at 10pm, all by myself, just watching the lightning in the approaching storm clouds. This week I overcome many of these fears. I asked an old man if he wanted help carrying his bag, down college drive as he kept stopping to rest it on the ground... Normally, I'd think of this, and then chicken out after thinking, maybe he'd be insulted that a girl would offer? maybe he'd feel sad as I'm implying that he's too old and weak to carry his own stuff? But I did it, and asked him. He replied with, "No thank you, but thank you, it's just really hot so I stop to cool down" So I won that battle, Not permanently, I'm sure it'll always be a battle, but there is no victory without first a battle!

So I resolve not to care what others think of me, and to do what I believe to be right. The only one who I care what they think of me is Jesus...