So... The last few weeks have been crazy. My new best friend... who shall now be referred to as HARRY and I are now not even facebook friends anymore. It's been a whirlwind of insanity.
Back then... We studied together, laughed together, talked about our friendship tree. Told each other some of our biggest fears growing up. I really let him in. He was honnest to goodness my new best friend. It's rare that you click with someone so well.
He was very upfront with me, saying that he didn't want a girlfriend, and would want to be friends with someone for a very long time before he gets into a relationship with them. I was okay with that. I just liked hanging out.
We planned to go watch the sunset and moon rise up in the mountains one afternoon evening. I thought this sounded romantic... but new the whole friends thing, so didn't think too much of it. It ended up being a rainy and cloudy day. Still we went anyway. We just chilled out in the car for a few hours, talking laughing. It was great. We got out in the wind, I had a cough so he made me wear his jacket and did it up for me. He randomly picked me up, literally, which I must confess I was rather impressed by. He forced me to drive his precious car, I was thanking my Parents for forcing me to learn to drive manual, even though we've only ever had automatic cars. As we're driving along we started talking about rules for dating... I said one of mine is that the guy must be taller than me. He said one of his, is that he has to be able to lift the girl up. I started to wonder, if earlier he was testing the rule. Nothing really happened. We just hung out for ages. He was a little bit cuddly, but it was nice. He'd always been quiet physically affectionate, not in any sort of dodgy way, just would greet you with a hug and he'd always been very observant and a great compliment giver. I guess I started to get mixed messages, and get confused.
To cut a long story short, I started to think maybe he liked me, and I started to like him. A couple weeks later things got crazy awkward when he figured out I liked him. And things although they looked like they could be repaired quiet a few times, somehow got smashed to pieces. I wish that I could undo it all...
I've only ever been cut off completely from a friend once in my life before. And she was 13. Honestly, I don't care that he didn't like me in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way. I don't even mind that he likes someone else. But I really miss him as a friend and I'm hurt that he could cut me off from his life so completely.
Now i'm trying to take the high road. Trying to behave responsibly and maturely, and in a way that will only bring glory to God. I just don't really know where the high road always is, I think I've found it, but it's hard to stay on, I feel like I could lose my ballance and fall at any second. I want to show HARRY that I'm loyal to our friendship, and that i'm here if he needs me. But I don't want to chase him.
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